


Let Me Go

by foreverwayward



Category: SPN, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Dean Winchester/Female Reader, Fluff, Heartbreak, Hurt Dean Winchester, Loss, Love, Multi, POV Dean, POV Dean Winchester, possible ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22642891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverwayward/pseuds/foreverwayward
Summary: From Dean’s POV, we take part in one of the most heartbreaking moments of his life as he and Team Free Will say their goodbyes.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s), Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	Let Me Go

She’s so beautiful. The way the light shines on her face makes me have to catch my breath every time. I look at her, and it’s like staring into the sun, though I can never look away. She does this thing when she’s thinking, she’ll just nibble on her lip without even noticing she’s doing it. Her skin smells like gentle lavender like the flowers just bloom under her skin. And her eyes–oh, those eyes take me somewhere far away with every glance.

On the horizon, I can see the sun beginning to set. The water is practically still, though the breeze still blows softly through her hair. She’s a force of nature all on her own.

As I study her with tears in my eyes, I watch the final colors left in the sky make her skin glow. Never have I longed for someone the way I do her, and I know that I never will again.

The calm water barely breaks at the bottom of the boat and we listen to it in silence. She, Sam, and I are left without words, terrified that our final ones are drawing closer.

“You don’t have to do this,” Sam says softly. His head is hung with his hands clasped together between his legs. I can see the defeat in his face; it’s the same defeat that’s kept me from breathing for months.

“Yeah…” she replies before turning to look at us over her shoulder. “I do.”

I can’t take it anymore and before I know it, I’m rushing over to her. “No–no I won’t let you.”

She scoffs with a breathy chuckle as she looks up at me. Her eyes have tears filling to the brim, wet drops still hanging on her lashes. “Since when have you been able to tell me what to do, Winchester?”

Of course, she would try to make light of this. She knows this is killing us–killing me.

I take her hands in mine and I can feel the lump in my throat stealing the air I need just to keep myself standing. My gaze lingers over her fingers while I remember the first time I was brave enough to hold her hand.

The sleeves of her flannel are rolled up, and my heart sinks when I look down at the mark on her arm. I just barely run my thumb over it, feeling the brand burned into her skin. The Mark of Cain was supposed to be mine to take, never hers. I should have known she would never let Sammy, Cas, or I take it; she’s always one step ahead of us making sure we’re safe. But, the scar on her arm feels like a searing hot pain in my chest. Of all the ways I imagined us going out, never once did I think this would be why we had to say goodbye.

“No,” I shake my head as my voice breaks. “No. We’ll find another way. We’ll find another way to get rid of it.”

“Dean…” Her hand goes up to my cheek and I feel my knees shake. My eyes close at her touch and I lean into the sweet scent of her palm. “You know this is done.”

“You never should have taken the mark. It was my burden to carry, not yours.”

Her sweet eyes peer up at me again and I have to catch my breath. “I swore I would never watch the mark take you again. I wouldn’t let it happen. Losing you once–watching you suffer like that, I couldn’t do it again.”

Sam stands up and his face is almost red from crying and rubbing the tears away. “You can’t do this. You can’t.”

A gust of a wind followed by the sound of flapping wings comes over our quiet boat and we all turn to see Cas. “Hello.”

“Cas…” I almost cry. “Please, man. You gotta do something. There’s gotta be something!”

He lets out a heavy sigh and peers over to her. “I wish there was.” I watch him walk over to her and swallow hard. “I’ve watched this planet grow from nothing, studied the way humans have evolved and marveled at the existence of humanity. But, you–” he stops and she smiles softly. “You are the bravest person I have ever known. The world will know what you did–what you sacrificed. And I–well, I will never forget it what you did for me.”

Getting up on her tiptoes, she wraps her arms around Cas and hugs him tightly. I can see him hesitate like he’s unsure how to repay the gesture. After only a second or two, he melts into her embrace and hugs her back.

As they pull apart, she smiles that sweet smile that makes me weak with a shrug. “You do what you gotta do–” she stops and looks back to me and Sam with a hand still on Cas’ arm. “For the people you love.” She and Cas share a silent moment and he nods at her as if saying he understands.

I see Sam sniffling and holding back tears as she makes her way over to him. He can’t look her in the eyes.

“Sam…” she says lovingly. “Brother…” I guess that’s what he needed to hear because his eyes immediately focus on her. “I love you, Sam. You’ve been…the best brother I could have ever hoped for. Before meeting you and Dean, I didn’t think I would ever have a family.” Tears fall down my brother’s cheeks. “But, you gave that to me. You guys gave me laughter, and joy…and so much love. You gave me a home.”

He clears his throat. “What am I supposed to do without my best friend?”

“You keep fighting, Sammy,” she tells him as she lays her head against his chest and hugs him. “ _Always_ keep fighting.”

Sam bites his quivering lip and sniffles while he holds her close. I can see him crying into her hair quietly, trying not to upset her any more than she already is. He kisses the top of her head and clears his throat again as they come apart from each other. “Love you too.”

As she heads in my direction, I watch Sammy turn away, almost as if he can’t bear to look at her anymore.

Her hand takes its time lacing with mine and I feel sick knowing what’s coming.

“I can’t lose you.” My gaze falls to the floor of the boat while I try to hide the sobbing I can barely contain. “Sweetheart–”

She touches my chest and pulls me away from my thoughts. “Dean…I’m dangerous. You, me, Sam, Cas–we all know it.” More tears are forming in her eyes and I can tell she’s trying so hard to be brave for me. “I don’t regret taking the mark. We stopped Chuck–that’s what matters. And now…well, there’s a price to pay for that win, isn’t there?”

It takes all my strength to look at the eyes I love so much as my tears escape and spill down my face. “But, I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

We take our time bringing our lips together, wanting to take in every second. I hover over her mouth and exhale a nervous breath as we fall into a breathless kiss. She and I pull each other close and there’s so much passion between us, I think the world may have stopped spinning. And everything inside me is wishing that it did.

As our kiss breaks, I wipe the heartbreak from her face that she's trying to conceal. My hands hold the sides of her face as I study every bit of her. I want to remember every fleck of color in her eyes, the position of her dimples, every rogue freckle…I want to memorize it all. “You have been the best part of my life. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to live without you.”

“You will never know the love I have for you–how much you mean to me. You brought me to life, Dean. Because of you, I know what it’s like to love someone–to be loved.” She locks eyes with me and touches my wrist at her cheek. “Dean Winchester, you _were_ my life.”

I can feel her trembling as she begins to back away. Everything inside me is screaming to hold onto her and never let her go. My hand flies out to grab her arm as I weep and she turns back to me.

“Please–please don’t leave me,” I beg.

Finally, she lets it all go and stifles a deep sob that rips me in two. “You have to let me go,” she whispers.

I can’t breathe as I let go of my grip and watch her walk slowly to the center of the boat. Her hand runs over the wooden box and her fingers dance over the carvings. The Ma’lak box was never for her–it was meant for me.

She pulls at the top of the box to open it and she gasps, finally realizing what she's about to do. I can see her hands shaking with fear, how her chest is rising and falling so fast that I know she’s panicking.

Sam, Cas, and I gather at her side as she steps inside. She gulps as she tries to sit and Cas reaches out his hand to help and ease her down.

She’s crying now, shaking like a scared little kid as she lays down in the wooden box. With one last look, she utters, “I love you,” and blows us a tear-soaked kiss before pulling the lid down over herself.

The box closes and Sam and I can’t catch our breaths. I’m beginning to hyperventilate. This can’t be right. This can’t be how it ends. This can’t be how my family breaks. This can’t be how I lose the only woman I’ve ever loved.

I can only watch as Cas lays his hand on the wooden lid. The carved symbols begin to glow a soft blue as he seals the box shut…for good.

“Sam…Dean…” Cas’ voice snaps us out of our weeping as he signals that it’s time.

Wiping his tears onto his sleeve, Sammy crouches to grab one end of the box while I take the other. We lift it and share a broken look. We both know, there’s no coming back from this.

We put the Ma’lak box on the side of the boat and both shake. I run my hand over the wood and imagine I’m touching her just one more time.

“I can’t do it–” I choke with a shuddering breath. “I can’t.”

Cas grabs my arms as I begin to collapse and pulls me up. With my now soaked face, my lip shakes. He stands between me and Sammy letting us know we don’t have to do this alone.

So, as my heart shatters into countless pieces that I know can never be mended, we push the Ma’lak box over the side of the boat. It splashes loudly, creating small waves around it as the boat begins to sway.

I lean over only to watch her coffin drift into a watery grave until the darkness takes her away from me. The ocean swallows her whole, ripping her from my life and destroying me in ways I never thought possible.

I weep until I can’t take the pain anymore and sulk down onto the deck. Never have I longed for death like I do at this moment.

“ _Goddammit_!” I scream into the skies. I pound my fist into the metal of the boat and I know my knuckle broke at the impact, but I can’t feel it. I can’t feel anything but the pain inside that’s slowly killing me.

“This is what she wanted, Dean.” Cas is crying too, I knew he would break.

As my sanity begins to slip away, I stand to my feet as quick as I can, ready to jump in the water after her. If she was going to spend eternity at the bottom of the ocean, I would do it with her.

Sam and Cas grab me and hold me back as I fight against them. “Get off me! Let me go!”

“Dean!” Sam yells through his tears. “ _No_!”

My body shakes as I shout her name at the top of my lungs. I can feel it tearing at my throat, like a primal cry I couldn’t control.

I fall to my knees in defeat and cry as Sam practically collapses to sit on a small bench. Cas is staring out at the ocean, and I can see the pain in his eyes.

And while I know they love her, that they would have given anything for her, they’ll never understand this grief–this unbearable agony. The love of my life is gone, left to be locked in solitude…forever.

Chuck is gone; there was no fate, no divine plan. This was just the universe’s cruelest joke, to give me a glimpse of happiness only for it to be stolen away from me.

You win, universe. I surrender–I lose. Just please, let this be over…take me. Just do me this one favor and end it all. Don’t let me wake up tomorrow, not without her next to me.

I’m done.


End file.
